My mom has serious anger issues. What should I do?
My mom is always mad at me for some reason. (Like all other children who ask this question.) She always complains about how I never do anything at all and how I don't contribute to the family. I do, I help and clean, I do what she asks me (but I gradually do it sometimes...) I help with my baby sister and handicaped brother. When she is upset, she doesn't seem to remember those things.
She makes me feel so useless and selfish. She says I ask for too many things, when I don't. I rarely ask for anything, but she buys stuff for me anyway. Then she complains about never having time to buy anything for herself and when I tell her that she can, she blows up.
She has this problem with her computer and often uses mine and whenever I come into my room, she asks is it OK? Are you mad? I tell her no and too please stop asking that. She's ok then.
When I'm using my computer she goes on hers and practically screams and beats hers up. I ask her calmy "Do you want to use mine?" she screams "NO, I don't want to use your blankety blank (cussing) Computer"
I'm thirteen, I get good grades (A and B's), I help when I can, and I don't know what I'm doing wrong...I do respond negatively some times and make some sarcastic comments, but am I really a bad child?
Answer:
Life has enough problems in it without having children suffer for a mothers stress.
Are there other children in the family who also catch her anger? Maybe you get it because you are the oldest and she thinks you can handle it better than the younger children.
Bills, money, husband/wife relationships, work, and much more lead to stress. Sounds like life just builds up a lot of pressure on your mother and she has trouble dealing with it sometimes.
It doesn't sound like you are a bad kid. I think she just needs to vent sometimes and you happen to be there. Try to cut her some slack and try not to let it bring you down. Sounds like she needs and loves you a lot. When she does that, you could go pray and the peace of the Lord will help you forgive and forget what has happened.
In the bible it says to forgive 70 X 7 per day, Love your enemy, Love your neighbor as yourself (any other person in life) turn the other cheek and it also says that love hardly ever sees wrong in others.
When she complains about never having time to buy anything for herself and when you tell her that she can, and she blows up." She may be saying that because she knows she can't due to finances and would rather have her kids have better things.
If it continues to be a problem for you, maybe you can talk with someone she might listen to. Maybe a school counselor, your Dad, another family member and together find a better outlet for her frustrations. She may need to see a therapist who could help her deal better. I would use this as a last option more or less as most adults do not like anybody telling them that they need help. She would accept that better from another adult.
Remember that your handicapped brother could cause her some stress and strain and that is not your fault. I'll say it again, overall you sound like a good kid and you probably just have to have some more patience. Try not to respond to your mom in a negative way and try to do the things she asks you to help with when she asks rather than dragging your feet.
The next time mom is under stress, try a hug and tell her you love her. That can work like a charm. Maybe you could offer her a massage or a little back rub to relax her up tight muscles. She is probably not mad at you but at the circumstances in her day, which she can't change. But love can change how she feels. We all need to feel love and a hug is worth a thousand words. I'll bet you get some niceness in return.
Keep doing well in school and keep focused on your future. Life isn't always easy and that goes for everyone. Chin up and keep on truckin.
