I am losing my temper with My Children, Please help Me

My wife works most weekends. We both work all week. So my children are in a wonderful day care during the day. Weekdays are great. I cook dinner, clean, do dishes, then my wife will give the kids a bath, we'll put the kids down, I'll take the dog for a walk, etc.


Weekends, a little different. My wife will work at the hospital to pick up some extra shifts and make some extra money which we could always need. So I am alone with my 7 month old son and my 2 1/2 year old daughter.


Circumstances arise where I'm trying my best to do everything but the son is crying his head off, my daughter starts to whine about something, and I just lose it. I don't know what it is about men, but crying drives me crazy. My wife says its a piece of cake with both kids. But I've watched her and most of the time she can nurse my son which will quiet him up. I can't. I need to either give him solids or give him a bottle. Takes time to make, and isn't the same as nursing.


I feel extremely quilty about losing my temper. I feel out of control. I throw things, or just act out of character. I've tried just putting them in their rooms but I can still hear them. I've tried rocking my son and just praying but doesn't work. Is this feeling normal? I had major battles with my daughter, but two of them now is taking some getting used to.


I guess I'm just venting. Thanks for listening.


__________________


Devoted Husband and Father of Joseph and Grace



My wife says its a piece of cake with both kids.


This pops right out at me. It could be a huge part of the problem. Instead of your wife supporting you and maybe giving you suggestions of how to deal with both kids, she's making it sound like they are only a problem for you therefore YOU must have a problem.



I feel extremely quilty about losing my temper. I feel out of control. I throw things, or just act out of character. I've tried just putting them in their rooms but I can still hear them.


If you have lost your temper, putting them in their rooms may be the safest thing to do. But only for long enough for you to regain control of yourself. It won't stop them from crying.


For your son, he just needs your attention. My 8 month old daughter needs constant attention and it feels like we are always in "prevention mode" trying to keep her from losing it. As for your daughter, she needs your attention as well, but she is old enough to not whine and be disciplined if necessary. But I am guessing a little calmness and kindness will go a long way.



I've tried rocking my son and just praying but doesn't work. Is this feeling normal? I had major battles with my daughter, but two of them now is taking some getting used to.


I feel for you. This situation is reversed in our house because hubby is primary caregiver to our daughter (although I do breastfeed). So when he has to go out and I am left alone with her, she acts totally different. I think she just misses daddy, but it's so hard to deal with the whining and tantrums and fussiness.


I guess I'm just venting. Thanks for listening.


First off you need to talk to your wife. She needs to help you with this. Marriage is exactly for things like this!!!! When we are in over our heads and out of ideas and feel like we just can't cope, our spouse should be there to pick us up and get us back on the right path.


As for you specifically, you need to figure out some things that you can do with your daughter that are special. Have you ever had a tea party with her? How about painted her nails? Play dress up? You know, girly stuff . If your son is anything like my daughter, you need to constantly find new and inventive ways to keep him entertained. I can't even count the umber of faces and voices I can now do that I never would have thought possible, lol.


And I can tell you from experience (and you've probably noticed it as well) that when a parent is frustrated the child becomes much worse (more whining, crying, frustration etc). It takes a huge act of the will, but when you feel like you are going to lose it (i.e. throw something, yell etc) you need to have a plan. maybe sing a silly song (sounds dumb but it really works) or imitate a favorite cartoon character etc.


I have been where you are (and still find myself there on occassion) so I can really empathize with you. Parenting comes so naturally to some and for the rest of us it is HARD work. Crying can be so annoying. Poopy diapers are not fun. Constantly having to entertain a tiny person to the point of exhaustion is no picnic. But we all love our kids. So in the spirit of that love, resolve to not lose your temper around your kids anymore. They don't deserve it. (Again, I speak from experience and I know the guilt you feel). One has to be prudent about how and when one speaks the truth in order to actually help the person it is directed at.


Daycare may be the cause, but it is not the immediate problem.... daddy's temper is. You could try offering solutions to the problem that is stated and then offer your opinion of the possible cause.


My daughter is 100% raised by me and her daddy and I still suffer some of the same problems as the OP. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide your words so they remain helpful AND charitable.


Malia


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