After couples embark on the child-rearing period; sometimes they find that they love their spouse; however, the "in love" feeling has changed. Your life may be hectic and you relate to your spouse in a different manner. Many couples find that their marriage has become a routinewhere two people share a life and the responsibility for rearing children, but it's not fun anymore. Every day is not going to be fun!
Due to the busy lifestyles, often romance is on hold. Slowly the relationship drifts apart and frustration and a feeling of rejection steps up to the plate. When this happens, you may think that divorce is the only way out. Studies show that most marriages end within the first three years.
Divorce may seem to be the easy way out of a frustrating relationship, but staying married is very much worth the effort. This article will help you to avoid divorce and save your marriage, if you let it. You be the exception and make your marriage work.
You do not have to have children for your marriage to have problems. Lack of knowing how to be married successfully, and pressures from work and other things including the attack of the devil can impact your marriage. Tell the Devil you will not give him any victory in your marriage. He can hit the road and not come back.
Most couples are not marriage counselors and have no positive experience in marriage, so they do things by the seat of their pants and when they get seat of the pants results are not happy with them.
Pick up a book or two and read them together and watch how much better the two of you can do. If you buy one, don't just let it collect dust on your book shelf. I love Gary Smalley's tapes and cd's. (Hidden Keys to loving relationships and Hidden Keys to successful parenting) You will laugh till your sides hurt and learn a lot.
Learn to laugh at your and their mistakes. You are not the first couple to ever experience the things you are going through. Asking any other couple you know who has been together for quite some time will support that. And, I bet they now can laugh about things where they couldn't before when they were experiencing the same things.
Draw off the long term positive experiences and mistakes of others, because they stuck it out. Remember, your spouse loves you and you love them. They are not doing things just to aggravate you, but probably don't even realize what they do that is disturbing to you. Sometimes it takes a while to change a bad habit. Don't be overly sensitive as it's no good for either of you. Remember in the bible it says to forgive 70 times 7 per day and turn the other cheek.
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Step 1
Make a list of negative aspects of a divorce. There are quite a few of them. A divorce will cause havoc in the lives of everyone involved, especially your children who don't deserve divorce, if you have any, and on both of your finances. Your extended family will suffer too, parents etc. Even co-workers will have to end up listening to your gripes. I'm sure they would much rather listen to you complementing and bragging on a good marriage and relationship. That would be a good positive learning opportunity f or them if you handle things in a positive way. The current supporter will go from carrying one household to two, and there will be alimony and child support <http://www.ehow.com/how_4552194_avoid-divorce-save-marriage.html>. You can just forget about retiring early because there will not be enough money! Being lonely is very painful and finding someone else to love you will not be easy or quick and in the end, you will have problems with that person too. Having problems is a given.
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Step 2
List the positive aspects of staying married. I'm sure there are a bunch of them. Pray first and ask God to reveal them to you as you may not be thinking clearly. It has been proven that people live longer and healthier lives when they are married,
It may not seem very healthy now, but if you work at your marriage, and give it half a chance, you can get back what you once had and it can even be better because the two of you did the right thing. Why not save what you have and have invested years in and build on it in a positive way. The answer to problems at work is not to quit but to overcome them and your marriage home and family is much more important than work.
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Step 3
Control your anger by stopping and thinking before you respond. In the bible it says, "Love hardly ever sees wrong in others." Ask yourself; do I have a valid point? If your point is valid, then you need to communicate with your spouse in love. Never respond when you feel hurt or angry. Do not ever assume that your spouse knows how you feel or what is bothering you. One way to do this is to take a walk together, and hold their hand even if you don't feel like it and watch how positive the outcome can be.
Tell them you need time to think about what they have said before responding in the wrong way. Tell them your marriage is worth being patient and thinking things thru to come up with the right solution and their feelings. Let them know you value their feelings. That will say volumns to them. After they speak, say thank you to them for sharing and tell them you are trying to understand how they feel and be sensitive to that.
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Step 4
Talk to your spouse. Speak calmly, and refrain from pointing the finger. Look your spouse in the eye with humility rather than anger and pride and tell them what is bothering you in a loving way. Think of something special that you love about them and it will help. Take your eyes off the problem and put them and your thoughts on love. The two of you need to compromise and work through the problems. I find a great tool is to get down on your knees together side by side, hold hands and pray asking God to help. He can fix both of your hearts and get the two of you on the same page. (His page and he doesn't take sides, but will lay on both of your hearts the right thing to do)
Honesty is the best policy. Tell your spouse how you feel. If you love your spouse then tell them, if you feel the marriage is not what it should be, then communicate your thoughts and feelings. If you do not speak up, then things will never be resolved, because humans are not mind readers!
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Step 5
Respect your marriage and work together as a team. The wife is not the house cleaner. If your wife cooks dinner then you as the husband should clean up the kitchen with her. That can be passing her the dirty dishes and putting things away or drying the dishes if she is not using a dishwasher. If as the husband you cut the grass, then your wife should help by weeding the flowerbeds and watering the beds or gardens. Working together on household chores will bring you closer. This kind of togetherness is better bonding than even going on a date.
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Step 6
Compliment your spouse for the small and large things that they do. Never take your spouse for granted. Everyone needs positive reinforcement. Notice the way your spouse looks, or how the house looks or the new hair cut, new outfit, new muscles from working out <http://www.ehow.com/how_4552194_avoid-divorce-save-marriage.html>. Notice your spouse as nobody likes to feel invisible. Ask them what went wrong today at home or at work and show them you care about what has happened by encouraging them. The immediate problem may be because of other things that have happened earlier in the day. Each day tell each other how much you appreciate each other. Don't expect them to assume they are appreciated.
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Step 7
Each of you allow them time for their own space. Let them take the time to do something that they enjoy. One day out of the week your husband should participate in a hobby that he enjoys such as playing golf, or cards (and you could host a card party) with his friends, hunting, fishing or shooting a game of pool. (you could even suggest you do that together if he would like it) You as the wife should be able to do something you enjoy too, just for you. If you both enjoy the same hobbies then on another day, get together and enjoy a hobby together.
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Step 8
Make plans for date <http://www.ehow.com/date/> night. Leave the kids with the sitter, get dressed up and go out to dinner. If you are on a budget, plan a night of romance at home. Have a quite dinner at home, slow dance with your spouse, or take a bubble bath <http://www.ehow.com/how_4552194_avoid-divorce-save-marriage.html>, take the necessary steps to rekindle romance and learn how to laugh.
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Step 9
Strengthen the family bond by making time to enjoy your spouse, with your children. Be present for the family meal. Participate in a family game, help with homework, or watch a television show together.
Reconnect with your spouse and your children, laugh at the simple things, it will bring meaning to your life. Divorce may seem like the easy way out, but it's not and your marriage and family are worth the effort.
