Bill Gates died in a car accident. He found himself in Purgatory being sized up by God...

"Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in the world and yet you created that ghastly Windows 95. I'm going to do something I've never done before. In your case, I'm going to let you decide where you want to go!"

Bill replied, "Well, thanks, God. What's

Funny Definitions

Beauty Parlor: A place where women curl up and dye

Cannibal:Someone who is fed up with people

Dust:Mud with the juice squeezed out

Egotist: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation

Lazy Son

It was 5:00 a.m and the father went to his son Shawn's bedroom door, knocked and said,

"Son, it's time to get up. Jump in the shower and we've got to leave ASAP to catch any fish."

Soon it was 5:30 and dad had the coffee brewing, the boat hooked up and he just finished

packing the truck, when he noticed Shawn still wasn't up.
Furious the dad pounded

Poor Sick Boy

Marty, a little boy, was in church one Sunday with his mother Doris, when he started feeling sick. 'Mommy,' he inquired, 'can we leave now?' 'No,' his mother replied, 'the service isn't over yet.'

'Well, I think I'm about to throw up.' Marty announced. 'Then go out of the front door and around to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush.' said Doris.

Q: Where is King Soloman's temple?

A: On the side of his head!

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A pastor had a practice of leaving his pulpit for a brief time during the morning service. While one of his staff made the announcements, he went to tell a Bible story to the children in children's church. One new member didn't understand. One day he said to the minister, "Pastor, you're the first preacher I ever saw who takes a coffee break during

Out of Control Kids…

Perhaps you recall the story where this thief scouts out an elderly woman's home on the north side of Atlanta for two weeks. Thinking he has the place to loot all by himself he walks in and begins to rummage through her loose cash, expensive jewelry and grabs a chocolate chip cookie for the road. Just as he is four steps from the door he hears the most startling voice and words he ever heard.

A woman behind screams: "Acts 2:38 - Repent on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and thou shall be saved!" The cookie drops from his

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."

A boy was watching his father,

Which Way to Heaven?

Reverend Billy Graham tells of a time early in his ministry when he arrived in a small town to preach a sermon.

Wanting to mail a letter, he asked a young boy where the post office was. When the boy had told him, Dr. Graham thanked him and said, "If you'll come to the Baptist Church this evening, you can hear me telling everyone how to get to heaven."

The boy replied, "I don't think

A Little Biblical Humor

Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth? A. Ruthless.

Q. What do they call pastors in Germany? A. German Shepherds.

Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible? A. Noah He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

Q. Who was the greatest female